Don't Ask Anyone To "Be Your Mentor"—Do This Instead

The post says that, instead of asking someone to formally be your mentor, it is better to build a relationship with a “not-mentor” through genuine questions, interest in their career, small ways of helping them, and follow-up on the advice you receive. It also says that books can serve as mentors.

Reading notes

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• The author says that he has already had people who acted as mentors without that label, in work contexts and conversations outside the usual meetings.
• He recommends not asking someone to “be your mentor,” because that suggests a one-sided commitment, usually without payment.
• Instead, he proposes approaching the person with real questions about your own challenges and asking what they would do in the same situation.
• He also suggests showing interest in the person’s path and choices, because they tend to like talking about themselves.
• Another step is to offer some help in return, such as bringing books that might interest the person.
• The author also says that it is worth showing that you acted on what you received, by telling what you learned from recommendations and books.
• According to the text, these four steps end up creating a mentoring relationship without it needing to be formalized.
• If there is no mentor nearby, the author says that books can fulfill that role, and cites 200 to 500 books as a good reference.